Is it possible for parents who have already found how much is divorce in New York to continue getting along with each other and to co-parent their children in a civilized manner? And what can be done to decrease the impact that the separation of parents has on child behavior after divorce?
The arguments that occur between mom and dad are not the child’s fault. Whenever their parents’ divorce, it almost invariably results in some type of emotional pain for the children. The strain that is placed on them is usually more than the pressure that is placed on their parents. Even if things seem to be going well on the surface, a child may be going through a great deal of emotional upheaval on the inside.
It is essential for parents to keep in mind that their conflicts with their children are not the child’s fault, but rather the outcome of the cultural standards that parents bring to bear on how people should behave and how they should communicate. In addition, if they are ready to put in the effort to get together, they will figure out a solution that will put the child’s mind at ease. Arguments based on feelings, such as “I’m this way and you’re that way, I left and you left;” this type of conversation does not belong in an adult setting since both parents are acting in their own self-interest while the child is being negatively affected.
RED FLAGS YOU SHOULD PAY ATTENTION TO
A young child may feel ashamed of themselves and withdraw within themselves while their parents are arguing, which may drive the child to withdraw from the situation. Furthermore, some kids are hyperactive and need to be watched all the time. When a child is placed in a stressful situation, it is impossible to predict how they will react to it in any given way. It is essential to keep in mind that a child’s personal experiences with adult indifference and arguments that the youngster does not grasp anything will, in most situations, have long-lasting repercussions on the child even if the adults are acting indifferently or making excuses.
- The kid becomes emotionally unavailable
Teenagers are familiar with divorce and the factors that contribute to it, and it is difficult to disguise the causes of divorce from someone who has a sharp view of reality. The adolescent emotionally closes down and withdraws into himself and his experiences as a response to the long-standing hostility and disappointment that he has experienced. It is an extremely high-risk course of action in the behavior of children of divorce — seeking vengeance against one’s parents. An adolescent may begin to act out in a variety of ways, including skipping classes, being disrespectful, hanging out with the wrong crowd, and even beginning to engage in risky behaviors such as smoking, drinking, or drug experimentation. These behaviors are all examples of antisocial behavior.
It’s best not to put off having a straightforward conversation with the kid about the divorce for too long. Assure the young person that it was essential to take this step, that he would be okay in the long term, and that his parents still love him. Explain the circumstances without criticizing or denigrating the former spouse. It is quite simple to lose sight of your son or daughter during this period of rapid development. If you help your kid with children of divorced parents’ behavior, you will serve him (or her) a lot. Assist them in forming connections with other people and encouraging him to participate in activities such as studying, athletics, and artistic competitions, he will experience an improvement in his sense of self-worth.
2. Perfect behavior
Children are aware of what the term “divorce” means and are naturally upset by the possibility that one of their parents would leave the family forever. They are concerned about their future and are doing all in their ability to keep their parents from going their own ways. The child is being absolutely flawless in the hopes that this would bring his or her parents back together.
Assure your child that they will have a secure and happy future no matter how things end out between you and your ex-spouse. Work on successful and positive co-parenting after divorce. Raise his sense of worth by showing him your unwavering devotion, lavishing him with compliments, highlighting his significance in your life, etc. Don’t keep this under wraps. Justify this unexpected change of events, be as forthright and truthful as you possibly can, and make sure you’re paying great attention to the questions that are being asked of you. Give the child an opportunity to communicate their thoughts and feelings.
3. Parental and teacher disrespect.
When a kid is developing, it is common for him or her to cultivate a strong disdain for one parent and hold that one accountable for all of the issues that arise within the family, while at the same time idealizing the other parent. Child behavior after divorce can present itself in a variety of ways, including but not limited to: failing to complete schoolwork, child acts different with one parent divorce, demonstrating poor behavior both at home and at school, and pushing their parents’ tolerance to the breaking point.
The ramifications of your divorce will be felt more acutely by your kid than they will be by either of you. This is due to the fact that his conventional understanding of reality is crumbling, leaving him with a feeling of betrayal as well as vulnerability.
Raise the bar for the amount of attention and care you provide your child. The most challenging part will be getting through that first year. Over time, you and your kid will become accustomed to the new routine and surroundings that you have moved into. Do not be hesitant to seek the assistance of a psychologist for expert guidance if you feel as though things are going out of control.
4. The child starts develop different illnesses.
Some adolescents would go so far as to purposefully harm themselves or make themselves sick in the vain expectation that their parents will eventually patch things up and get back together, which is one of the most dangerous presentation of what divorce does to children’s mental health.
The youngster is under a great deal of stress, and this is manifesting itself in a variety of ways, including trouble sleeping and eating, nightmares, concerns that one parent will never love him again, anger directed at the parent he is still living with, a desire to hurt himself, and a requirement for discipline. In addition to these more evident symptoms, other problems caused by stress might include pain, tiredness, indigestion, and even incontinence.
Explain the situation to the child in a way that is both clear and uncomplicated. In the event that he has already shut the door, get someone he trusts to unlock it for him. Never cover up the truth, but do not expose it either all at once or all at once. It is likely that the child will be the one to launch into this topic of conversation first. Do not advise him to be quiet about the way he is feeling. Follow the instructions, give him more of your attention, and display a greater amount of affection. If your child has stopped talking to you and is displaying other erratic behaviors, you should consult with a child psychologist as soon as possible.
5. Acting like a child again
For a young child, his or her parents represent the entire world, therefore their separation might feel like the end of the world. A further complication is that the infant, being so young, cannot comprehend the rationale behind the parents’ decision to separate and will likely take the blame. Children often act out their emotions through outbursts and whims. It’s not uncommon for infants to revert to familiar behaviors from their younger years, such as sucking their thumb or returning to nursing if they’ve been overstimulated. To blame you for it would be unfair.
Make sure the youngster understands that he did nothing wrong and that he is not to blame for the breakup. Never chastise a youngster with your final words or discuss your spouse’s infidelity in front of a child. In the eyes of the infant, he is still a part of the family, and it will come as a terrible shock to him to learn that a loved one has deceived, abandoned, etc. him. Instead, you should encourage your ex to spend as much time as possible with the child.